[He hears that needy sound, can see the lack of release; even as he looks into Astarion's eyes, Gale has to fight that rising sense of disappointment that has decided to rear its ugly head at an unfortunate time. Even with the bright life ahead of them — they have his family's approval, each other, a home and future unburdened by the threat of the Netherbrain — Gale can't help but feel at times that he will never be enough.
The orb pulses unsteadily. He pulls in a deep breath, hoping to settle the ache in his chest, and leans into Astarion's hands. Gale has long suffered this distorted sense of self-worth, and excited as he is to be wed to Astarion, he knows he can't let his insecurity get in the way of their relationship. He cannot let perfection be the enemy of progress, not when they've come so far already. He wants to be who Astarion needs him to be, wants to prove himself capable and worthy just as he'd wanted for—
He swallows hard for a third time, forcing himself to trust Astarion's agency in this. The vampire wants who he wants: Gale, as he is - not as a god, but as a mortal with all the fallibility that comes with the territory. He doesn't have to prove anything more. He is enough, even if he struggles to believe it from time to time.
The throbbing in his chest subsides as the illusion clears; the collar remains around his neck, a sign of his need for someone to rein him in, to not let his mind wander into the infinite possibilities of the unknown. They can indulge in this fantasy another night, he tells himself. After the evening they had, perhaps what they need most is each other right now.
He leans back onto his knees, his limbs protesting.]
I'm glad I trusted you with my entirety. Perhaps I lost myself to our roles, or... maybe, even now, my nature is to destroy myself for the sake of love. To think I know what my lover wants rather than to listen to them.
no subject
The orb pulses unsteadily. He pulls in a deep breath, hoping to settle the ache in his chest, and leans into Astarion's hands. Gale has long suffered this distorted sense of self-worth, and excited as he is to be wed to Astarion, he knows he can't let his insecurity get in the way of their relationship. He cannot let perfection be the enemy of progress, not when they've come so far already. He wants to be who Astarion needs him to be, wants to prove himself capable and worthy just as he'd wanted for—
He swallows hard for a third time, forcing himself to trust Astarion's agency in this. The vampire wants who he wants: Gale, as he is - not as a god, but as a mortal with all the fallibility that comes with the territory. He doesn't have to prove anything more. He is enough, even if he struggles to believe it from time to time.
The throbbing in his chest subsides as the illusion clears; the collar remains around his neck, a sign of his need for someone to rein him in, to not let his mind wander into the infinite possibilities of the unknown. They can indulge in this fantasy another night, he tells himself. After the evening they had, perhaps what they need most is each other right now.
He leans back onto his knees, his limbs protesting.]
I'm glad I trusted you with my entirety. Perhaps I lost myself to our roles, or... maybe, even now, my nature is to destroy myself for the sake of love. To think I know what my lover wants rather than to listen to them.