mystracal | 🔮 exsanguinated (with @sangwhine)

[Astarion doesn't like that discomfort. In such a short time, he's grown so used to seeing Gale's smile, to seeing the relaxed and charming demeanor he has when he's without worry. Astarion himself wasn't supposed to be the cause of those worries. He brushes his thumbs over Gale's cheeks, trying to soothe his concerns away.]

Gale. My love. It's only a thought if you can't have your crown. I would just want to see you safe. Protected.

[That touch draws Gale's eyes back; he pushes out a soft sigh.]

Or course. I want nothing but the same for you.

[He leans in to steal a kiss, needing it to steel his nerves.]

You know I'd do anything to protect you. Crown or not, Cazador had better be ready to face a wizard's wrath.

[Astarion leans into the kiss, letting his forehead rest against Gale's once he pulls away. He can still feel that faint knit of worry between Gale's brows. It itches at him, lodging like a splinter into his chest.]

I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to fear me, dearest.

I worry far more that you'll one day realize you have no use for me.

[It slips out before Gale can reel it in, a moment of raw injury from a wound reopened; he pulls in a deep breath, the scent of Astarion's freshly washed hair flooding his senses.]

I was never Mystra's equal. I never could be, no matter how much I wanted to prove myself to her. I could have had all the power in the world, and she would have never seen me as anything but less than her. A mortal plaything for the divine, to be tossed aside when she no longer saw value in my existence, in my devotion.

[He pushes that breath out. Under the water, his hand comes to rest on Astarion's knee, his fingers trembling.]

I knew deep down that I would never be a god, that she would never love me as I loved her, but I thought that if she would see what I could do, could understand my potential... she'd keep me. I failed on all fronts. She'd told me to be happy with what I had, and maybe I should have been, but I couldn't be. I couldn't stand the thought that she'd never see me as a person until I had proven myself.

[He finally gets around to his point, his forehead still resting against Astarion.]

I don't want to be less than you in any way. I'd never feel like I was enough.

[Astarion reaches down to put his hand over Gale's without a second thought. He keeps a loose hold on him as he listens, his own expression clouded and conflicted. None of this is new to him. Nothing has changed about the details and particulars of Gale's relationship with Mystra since they last discussed it. Yet hearing it now, in this moment, is like hearing it for the first time. It casts his earlier words in a very different light, pricking at the unease that's settled at the back of Astarion's mind and giving him a clearer picture into Gale's concern.

He curls his hand around Gale's, squeezing in a tight pulse of reassurance. He leans back just a hairsbreadth, enough to look Gale properly in the eye.

You will always be enough for me. I don't want you to ever feel otherwise. What we have isn't about what use I might have for you. I—I don't want to think of you like that. I don't want you to think I might ever look on you that way.

I love you for your heart. For your kindness, your care. You have given me something no one else ever did. You've shown me what it is to love again, Gale. There's no use to that. But it's why I love you.

[An uncertain laugh pushes its way out of Gale's throat as a smile eases onto him; his brown eyes gaze upon Astarion as though he's never heard such professions of love before - and frankly, he's not sure he ever has, certainly not from anyone else.

Of course Astarion wouldn't want to think of him in that way any longer, to consider him solely for what use he has. That was the pretense under which Astarion had first tried to seduce him, when he was only thinking of survival, of his need to protect himself from Cazador.

They are so much more now.

Gale brings Astarion's hand to his lips, pressing it to his face as he bites back emotion. He squeezes his eyes shut, fighting to keep it contained. A man of so many words, yet he can't find the ones to express himself in that moment.

And so he pulls Astarion closer instead, one hand still clasping his, the other arm wrapping around him in an embrace.]

[Astarion startles a moment before he slowly puts his arms around Gale in return. He draws him in, pressing his face into Gale's damp hair. He's so unaccustomed to this kind of intimacy, he has to remember what to do with himself.

It's also the silence of the gesture, the sheer emotion he saw in Gale's eyes. He's coming to know how much it means when Gale is without words. He takes the moment to just feel Gale against him, to feel the heat of his skin, breathe him in.]

I'd like it. Being equals. Neither of us above the other. On the same footing.

[Gale presses his face to Astarion's shoulder, pulling in a deep breath as he composes himself: he focuses on the tactile, on the scars beneath his fingers on Astarion's back and the vampire's face in his hair.]

I want that, as well. I want not only to be with you, but to be worthy of you. To see myself as worthy. There will be times when I am no longer sure it is enough, but I'll have you to remind me, and I promise to do the same. You are so much more than you were led to believe, Astarion.

[Astarion presses his palm to Gale's back, slowly stroking over his skin.]

If you see that in me, if you think that of me. I will try to be who you see in me. And I will remind you every day of how worthy you are.

[Gale nods into Astarion's shoulder, finally releasing him. He seems to have put himself back into some semblance of order, though the tender look in his eyes no doubt reveals just how moved he was by Astarion's words.]

A kiss and a reminder each day, for as long as I live, not to mention what magic I must consume. What a needy thing I've turned out to be.

[Astarion still is so fond of that look on Gale. He catches Gale's chin in his hand rubbing his thumb along Gale's jawline.]

You are a needy thing and I've two hundred years worth of burdens for you to carry. I still think we're well-matched.

Well-matched, and on the same footing. I'll be glad to carry those burdens for as long as you'll have me.

[And he hopes 'as long as you'll have me' is longer than fate would have it, given the nigh insurmountable odds they're up against at all times these days. He basks in that touch for just a moment longer, the cool touch of Astarion's skin never failing to send a shiver through him.]

I suppose we should finish up here.

I did buy us out until sunrise. So we've as much time as it takes for that to happen.

[But he does turn to fetch the bowl so he can gather some water and rinse the oils out of Gale's hair.]

That should give us plenty of time to make it back to camp before the rest wonder where we've run off to. Lae'zel will be up for sure. Wyll, too.

[Gale is typically a late-riser, but his breakfast is worth the wait.]

Or wonder if we've been snatched away. Perhaps it's best that we return before their minds wander to worst case scenarios.

[He coaxes Gale to tilt his head back just a little so he can rinse his hair out without getting water in his eyes.]

[He leans his head back readily, closing his eyes, allowing himself to enjoy the rinse after battling his own self-worth.]

Surely there'd be signs of a struggle were we simply snatched away in the night. I like to think someone would hear us. At least Withers.

[But would he really say anything were it to happen?]

Or the dog, at least. I would honestly hope the dog or the owlbear would alert us to interlopers.

[He runs his fingers through Gale's hair as he rinses, shaking it out a little so that he can be sure he's thoroughly rinsed it all.]

[Please ignore the smile that cracks its way across Gale's face, Astarion, wide enough to show a hint of his teeth. Those fingers in his hair make him melt.]

Scratch is a fine guard dog. He'll let us know if we're in for a nighttime kidnapping. I can't imagine even your kin would consider it if they saw the owlbear. Or regular bear, if that's how Halsin chooses to sleep that night.

I would be utterly unsurprising to learn that he sleeps bare, but the other way wouldn't be too far a stretch.

[How can he ignore it when he likes it so much? He runs his fingers through a few more times than strictly needed, just to relish it for a little longer.]

[He leans back just a little more, his neck feeling weak.]

Can you imagine it? Your kin sneaking into our camp, thinking they'll take you, only to be met with a dog, an owlbear, an antiquated undead, and Halsin as unclothed as the day he was born. I think that would make anyone wonder what kind of company you've decided to keep in your freedom.

It would certainly make them think twice about the endeavor.

[Okay, that's probably enough. Astarion cups his hand against the back of Gale's neck to keep him from melting over and sets the bowl aside.]

[If only Gale had realized how much he likes having his hair played by his lover with sooner. Until next bath. He runs a hand through it himself, surprised at how sleek it feels.]

I should perhaps set some magical wards as well. I used to, in our early days together when our numbers were few, but never quite felt the need once we had a whole party surrounding us.

Unfortunately, we now have an entire city surrounding us as well. And untold numbers within said city who seem to want us dead.

I don't think magical wards would be entirely unreasonable.

[Astarion gives a little self-satisfied smile watching Gale enjoy the feel of his freshly cleaned hair. It's nice to see someone appreciate a job well done. His hand still rests at the back of Gale's neck, soaking up the warmth of his skin.]

I'll make sure your tent is warded more than most. Should anyone come near you, I shall be the first to know. [A beat, and a nod.] Assuming I'm not in it, at the time.

[He brushes his hair back with his fingers, turning to face Astarion.]

You know, it's not often I'm up at this hour. Why don't we watch the sunrise together?

I would hope that you might start spending more of your nights in my company. For the conversation if nothing else.

[Astarion pauses, considering the idea only for a moment before he smiles at Gale, that telltale crease showing on his cheek.]

I'd love to watch a sunrise with you, dearest.

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